As most of you know I used to be a bigger girl, I still regard myself as a work in progress but I am the fittest and healthiest I have ever been so I am satisfied (that doesn't mean that I won't continue to progress and push myself further)
Most of my weight was lost through exercise, it started when my 2 autistic sons were very small (and difficult) and I discovered that I could seek solace in the gym !
Over the years I have tried every ridiculous diet going, some recommended by personal trainers, others through multi level marketing and some from medical professionals... I failed each and every one. With each failure came a deeper depression and feeling of helplessness.
After a few years of dieting, failing, feeling pathetic and useless, subsequently comfort eating and so on I decided that maybe I could just do it through exercise solely, my personal trainer at the time told me that 'you cannot out run a bad diet' I wanted to prove him wrong....I did and I didn't prove him wrong; I was able to lose weight, reduce stress, feel better about life and myself, improve my fitness drastically and dispel the myth that larger people can't be fit however I couldn't get the flat stomach back that I had in my 20's
It was at the beginning of this year that I looked back at how far I had come and thought to myself 'that's great, however if I had dieted as well I would have a banging body by now because I certainly put the work in'
So I took a long hard look at myself and thought about what I would tell myself if I was my client, firstly I was eating too much, I was eating mostly for emotional reasons not for hunger.
Secondly I was eating the wrong things, I would go all day making good food choices then either sit down at night and eat rubbish as a reward for being good all day and/or working hard/ to unwind.
Thirdly I wasn't giving my body what it needed ie. not enough calcium and vegetables
In January I took the step of giving up chocolate completely because, as discussed in one of my previous blogs, I realised that I couldn't moderate myself, as soon as I had a little chocolate I would have 5 more bars then cake then crisps ! I'm not one of those people who can buy a big bar and take a little square off after tea and leave it at that (much respect to you if you are somebody who can do that)
So just like kicking my smoking habit many years ago I just gave it up completely, it's been 7 months now and I don't miss it at all, in fact I feel free. Unfortunately silly foolish me replaced chocolate with cake and after a month or so I had another word with myself and decided to kick that habit too...yep you guessed it I then moved onto crisps (I am the worst person for taking my own advice!) So once again I revaluated and gave them up too. Now I am not saying that you have to be angelic however if like me you cannot moderate yourself, yet you have high standards of what you want your body to look like, then somethings got to give!
For a short time I recorded my food and macros to figure out where I was going wrong and what my body needed. I have become quite good at recognising little signs that my body isn't happy or is lacking something, which is important in my line of work (I do about 16 to 20 hours of exercise a week) I don't like tracking food long term as I believe that intuitive eating is the best way to establish and maintain a healthy body, however sometimes tracking makes you realise what you actually need to do.
Reading this back it sounds like I have taken all joy out of my life however that is not the case. By taking away the things that I cannot control (ie junk food impulses) I have gained a feeling of freedom, my cravings are little to non in fact the sight of very calorific foods actually turns me off immensely and I feel like I am in control of my body and my own happiness.
My diet is the cleanest it has ever been in my whole life and I feel it's no coincidence that my body is also at it's fittest ever. Although I just used the D word (diet) I am actually not following one, instead I am thinking about what and how much my body needs. I don't believe that you should even start a particular way of eating if you can't see yourself eating that way for the rest of your life, unless its for a medical purpose what is the point, as soon as you start eating normally again you just pile the weight back on, and while we're on the subject you don't need to do detoxes and cleanses either, your liver takes care of that there is no need to pay good money for gadgety cleanses that ultimately make you feel some sort of deprivation and therefore virtuous !
So I'm guessing what you really want to know is what I do eat now !
An average day looks like this;
Breakfast; Toast with butter or special k with protein cereal and milk, or sometimes a bacon and egg butty
Lunch; I usually eat in my car between classes or clients so it's usually a sandwich or salad plus an innocent smoothie
Snack; handful of nuts and a yogurt, or fruit
Tea; anything from fish and chips (home made), taco's, chicken pasta salad, home made chinese...literally anything normal, provided its home made not processed
Then I go out again in the eveniing to do more classes and so I have supper
Supper; yogurt, protein shake, smoothie or handful of nuts or a combination of a couple of those things
So as you can see there is bread there, and chips and normal every day food, the only thing that isn't there is junk food. I do try to eat food that is as natural as possible, I've started growing a few things at home which gives me great pleasure eating my own potatoes and tomatoes etc. As a family we are also trying to reduce our plastic usage and waste which again is quite satisfying and gives us a sense of wellbeing.
The other thing you're wanting to know is has it made a difference to my body...yes it has, to begin with I had a lot of bloating which was my body's response to a change in what was a lifetime habit (fair enough) things are settling down now and my stomach and thigh fat is decreasing, my muscle tone is more apparent all over my body and I look generally slimmer although of course it's a gradual process so I'm not there yet.
What I hasten to add is that I feel much better, I no longer wake up and feel disappointed with what I ate yesterday. I used to find myself coming too in the shower, slowly waking up and thinking about what I did the day before, thinking about how I started the day well but then messed it all up in the evening. I would start every morning feeling disappointed in myself.
What I have learnt along the way is;
You don't have to be slim to be fit
You can feel fulfilled/worthwhile even before you reach your goals
Feeling fulfilled/worthwhile doesn't stop you striving for more
Never wait until a perfect moment to make a positive change, do it right now (even if its 10 seconds after you just ate a massive cheesecake !)
Health is important because without it happiness is harder to achieve
You do matter - do things that make you happy, whether that's drinking from your favourite cup or spending time with friends, lots of littles make a lot !
I keep telling my clients you don't have to be perfect just aim to be better today then yesterday. I also tell them to stop worrying about the details and just trust the process; if you are eating well, sleeping well, exercising and taking time for rest and fun then it WILL happen, stop stressing over the timescales and the details just trust that it will happen...trust the process, be honest with yourself but also be kind to yourself !
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